4
Emotional Discovery
Give your deepest most respressed emotions a voice
This is where a lot of the magic happened for me. It’s the weirdest thing if you’ve never done anything like this before and are inherently sceptical about things you've never tried.
I consider myself to be a very open-minded person in many ways but also a very logical, sciencey, fact-driven person. So when I understood that the root of my chronic pain recovery was going to be - addressing the emotions that I had been resisting my whole life and JOURNALING MY UNFELT FEELINGS - I thought "No way, this won’t work, I won’t be able to do it" and I resisted it, HARDCORE.
I learnt later that this resistance is normal, more on that in the what to expect section. I expected that addressing everything would be like looking into a vast and frightening abyss. But not for long, I had come this far, I HAD to carry on.
This is where I really started learning. I started to read thousands of success stories, I joined support groups, I found lots of evidence that this type of work is proven and REAL. I connected with people in the same boat as me that had healed...I had found my holy grail even though I was afraid initially. To say this work changed my life wouldn't be enough, It saved it.
I literally BECAME MY OWN MEDICINE. To tell you this was an empowering feeling would be a complete understatement.
Demolishing life-long patterns adn writing new ones
I had buried (or at least brushed over or resisted) difficult emotions for my whole life, without even realising it. I wasn’t modelled any emotional intelligence growing up and as time went by, I was probably subconsciously trying to move on from difficulty very quickly, so that challenging emotions wouldn't have a chance to hurt as much.
But now, when I look back, I did it ALL THE TIME.
What do you do when something happens that’s too hard to face? Bury it, right? Distract yourself, think positively, be outwardly happy, the life of the party, make stupid decisions, put up with hurtful crap, drink loads, right? Haha yes, but also NO.
This cycle that I practised throughout my life, of not really addressing difficult situations or letting my feelings really be heard or dealt with, was literally rotting me from the inside. I’m sure you can relate somewhat if you’ve read this far!
As adults in society, it’s literally burned into us that we must behave in a certain way and these behaviours are taught to us from an early age. Imagine for a moment an upset toddler with hurt feelings. They don’t turn a blind eye and bury their response do they? They kick and scream and throw tantrums and cry uncontrollably until they get it out! But we are taught that being angry or upset isn't good, we must not cry or scream or fight our way through feelings. Even more so as adults. Why is pretending that everything is OK the norm now? It's actually engrained and enforced into us!
We can also repress when we are not seen and heard effectively by our caregivers, if we communicate our hurt and it isn't met with compassion and understanding, then we are left alone with our hurt, and the same thing happens, we stop expressing and start repressing.
Repression creates massive dysregulation in the nervous system, kind of like trying to swallow the energy of a caged animal, you can only hold it in for so long before it starts to get ugly.
Connecting to your emotional world
There are many ways to connect to your feelings or feel the emotions you’ve hidden. Some decide to go to therapy at this point and really figure out what’s going on with the help of a professional.
The idea is just to fully feel your emotions. Feel them physically/somatically in your body. Do not overthink them, not fix them or get lost in the story that created them, don't even worry about releasing them or why you are even feeling them...JUST FULLY FEEL THEM. Open the door to them, invite them in and sit with them. It's really easy to overthink all of this and expect that you now have to face all your demons and fix every fight you’ve ever had but you don't. Just feel your emotions, don't try to THINK of what you're feeling and give any logic to it...
Ask yourself a few questions to get things going. What are you unhappy within your life? How do those things make you feel? Grief, shame, helplessness, anger, vulnerability, embarrassment, disappointment, frustration, fear? What else is going on? Did you feel similar things at any time growing up?
Check out my Journal Prompts for emotional release here, or my detailed page highlighting my favourite topics and theme ideas for your JournalSpeak practice here.
WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE IF YOU COULD? What would you honestly feel if you allowed yourself to feel without fear? If there was no consequence of having that feeling, what would it be?
It's important to not judge yourself for feeling resisted emotions, it might feel weird to address them if you've hidden them for so long. Just remember that your brain has kept them from you in order to protect you, but they are meant to be experienced. Embrace them, good or bad, they're safe. And either way, the feeling passes pretty quickly.
I found JournalSpeak
A pivotal moment in my life for sure. JournalSpeak a type of expressive writing therapy, taught and led by Psychotherapist Nicole Sachs LCSW and backed by thousands of others like me, practicing and healing in an amazing online support group.
I’ve created a whole separate section dedicated to JournalSpeak practice because of its importance and the number of resources associated with it. It's the best solution that I’ve found that worked for me, it totally changed my perception of myself through self-reflection and that completely turned my life around...and continues to do so.
Nicole has lots of helpful content to support your recovery, an amazing weekly Podcast, IG TV and Instagram live Q & A sessions, Youtube videos, an amazing book, online course plus virtual and in-person recovery retreats. You can either go straight to the JournalSpeak section now to find out more detail or continue reading on to the next step below.
I also have a couple of other pages that will help you with journaling. My journal prompts page and my journal themes and ideas page. I also have added help and guidance in my online course - "Come Home to Yourself - mind-body evening rituals mini-course".
After journaling, it’s likely that your emotions could be in full force at this point, depending on how your writing went, so this next section is crucial, DON’T SKIP IT!
Feel your emotions physically
Journaling also taught me how to feel emotions in my body, rather than think them in my head. It was critical to releasing the tension that the repressed emotion had caused. Almost like a download for the nervous system, feeling our emotions physically is an important step that allows the pent-up energy of all the blocked feelings to flow freely in our bodies.
It really helps to sit with emotions as and when they happen, to teach yourself and practice what it feels like to feel them whenever they're triggered. Feeling pissed off at someone? Notice what happens to your body and really allow it to be there with you without running away or numbing.
Find out how to practice this here - How to feel your feelings and why it matters in TMS recovery.
Check out my 12-part Emotional Embodiment Masterclass series for extra help with this!
Where to next?
Self-soothing is REALLY important and can change your relationship with yourself and your ability to self-regulate in times of stress and difficulty.
Click here to continue to the next section (Soothe)
