Recovery Journey Roadmap

Believe me, I had tried every trick in the book and I expect you have too. Depending on what your symptoms look like, this will be a different set of specialists for sure. But I had rinsed every test, every type of doctor, every physiotherapist, osteopath, every chiropractor, every exercise technique, back braces, every type of drug you can think of including steroid injections and all sorts of frightening prescriptions.

Everything except surgery (thankfully) and NOTHING had worked. I was so afraid of potentially having to live my life in a wheelchair with no hope for recovery, that was the peak of fear for me. Despite what was showing on my MRI imaging my doctors said that I shouldn't be having this much pain. I was frequently admitted to the Emergency Room for valium injections, which surprisingly, instantly worked. In hindsight, this should have been a big red flag to me that what I was experiencing in my body wasn't caused by a structural abnormality problem if it could be remedied with a muscle relaxant. But what did I know!? For that moment I was out of pain, and high, and honestly I didn't care...but not for long.

My chronic pain symptoms spiralled, and I retreated even further into despair. The stress and overwhelming fear of THIS being my whole life made the pain skyrocket, I was UTTERLY DESPERATE and I was only in my mid-thirties at this point!

Around that time, I was thrown a lifeline that would change everything. I was recommended one of Dr Sarno’s books, 'Healing Back Pain' from a friend of a friend. What did I have to lose? To cut a long story short, I was finally faced with what was actually going on, I saw myself on every page of that book and just KNEW that this was what was happening in my body. I was so relieved and SO excited.

Especially when my symptoms changed, I then started to get really bad headaches that lasted for months at a time, so bad that I was convinced I had a brain tumour…so I had MRIs and cat scans...which showed nothing.

I was yet to understand that the changes in my symptoms and the appearance of them elsewhere in my body were actually good signs and served as further belief later on...

Sometimes I thought 'I must have an injury or my herniated disc must be hurting me and maybe it's just my fear of TMS that's just lying on top of that', but again I was wrong. When I look at the symptoms closely (hindsight for the win!) my pain wasn't in the disc in my back, the pain was in persistently contracted muscles around that area, that I sometimes felt in my hips and into my buttocks too. I have a theory on why back pain is one of the most common area for TMS symptoms, check that out here - chronic back pain and the Psoas muscle.

Unfortunately, doubt, fear, confusion and wavering belief is all part of this journey, you could even call it a symptom in itself. I wish I had known this in the beginning. Not for everyone, but for most. It’s really hard to believe that stress and fear and emotions can do this to the physical body and make you feel like you’re literally being stabbed in the back with a hot machete. But let me tell you, HAND ON HEART, this is real. I know it sounds completely crazy and I've lost my mind. But this is more real than you could imagine. 

Your body is literally BEGGING you, SCREAMING at you to take notice of the emotional pains you’re stuffing away inside...

Am I expecting you to believe that addressing your emotions, your nervous system and your mindset can cure you of what feels like a terminal illness? Yes, I know it's a hard pill to swallow, but it works better than any pill I ever swallowed, I promise you.

Dr Dan Ratner's podcast - Crushing Doubt - addresses all types of disbelief topics, and much more, I highly recommend you check that out if you're struggling with belief in TMS.

The mind is a key player in TMS. Addressing your emotional self and your nervous system instead of your physical symptoms, as difficult as that is when you’re really suffering, is crucial to this work having a positive effect on your symptoms. 

In order to teach my brain that the solution to my problem wasn't in my body, I stopped ALL physical treatments. This is a key part of Dr Sarno’s methodology and essential part of TMS recovery. For me, that was a big step and so I expect it will be for you too. I didn't miss the costs of these treatments though, so that was a small positive to get me going!

I was so into it all, stopping everything was a huge decision and leap of faith. No more daily shiatsu massager, (that I was using so often I had calluses on my back!) no more chiropractor, no more physiotherapy, no more specifically targeted back/core strengthening exercises, no more steroid injections, no more valium. I still took over-the-counter painkillers fairly regularly when I was really bad, but not much else. I took control back and got myself moving again with a very different hopeful perspective. 

I totally relied on these treatments to maintain my sanity, but all they were doing was subconsciously reinforcing the message to my brain that the physical symptom was the issue that needed treating directly.

I did keep using my heat pad and pain meds whenever I felt I needed some support, there's no shame in that whatsoever - do what you need to do to get through!

I felt a little better straight away, just from stopping all these things and KNOWING I had the power within myself instead, frankly, it was a relief. I had put so much meaning and fear into each treatment, that I expected them to fix me, every day. And although they had given me some relief, it was very short-lived and usually followed by a fear-fuelled flare-up or general worsening of the pain going forward… 

Basically, I was feeding my symptoms with fear and ignoring my emotional self. I put so much emphasis on fixing the symptoms that I was constantly reinforcing my physical diagnosis whilst exacerbating them in the process.

Even though I knew I had a mind-body condition, I still fell into thinking these things could help me cope with the symptoms. If only I had properly understood this key element and followed these simple instructions earlier...

So, if you’re exercising for your general health or to look after your body or feel good and treat yourself well, then perfect, if you’re going for a massage to feel amazing overall and not to try to fix your symptoms then great. Just try not to rely on external treatments to alleviate your symptoms...because let's face it, they probably aren't anyway.