Why we resist mind-body healing work

We hear about resistance every day in the TMS communities. Other than doubt and fear, it's the biggest barrier to recovery in my opinion. Who on earth wants to face their emotions and traumas? Who wants to spend time every day soothing our nervous system and implementing habits to heal? Who wants to consistently work on their behaviours and set boundaries with loved ones and confront unhealthy habits? Who honestly wants full responsibility over their own recovery? 

It's massively empowering but that doesn't change the fact that it's utterly exhausting and seemingly never-ending.

Resistance to mind-body healing modalities

I know so many of us resist doing any introspective work such as journalspeak - even though that work is a deep act of self-care, of self-love.

When we think of everyday self-care, we think of relaxing, eating, watching shows, doing nothing, but, these are the kind of things that require no real effort on our part. Unlike healing "work" - that requires active participation on our part. So, why do we resist what ultimately helps us feel better? I have a few thoughts on this. OK a lot, stick with me.

Humans are wired to resist change

Our primitive brains perceive change as threatening or dangerous even if we think that what we're looking to change is of benefit to us. So no wonder we're coming up against it so much.

When we engage in practices like journaling, meditation, or yoga, we might feel resistance to showing up because change is literally read as a threat. 

Our brain is designed to keep us alive, it isn't concerned with what's best or what's good for you, its only focus is survival.

Resistance keeps you 'safe'

RESISTANCE IS ACTUALLY ON OUR SIDE! It's been tricking me into believing that when I resist I am safe.

One of the most important parts of this journey is learning to realise acknowledge and accept these things for what they are, even to feel compassion for them for getting us this far.

We may be attached to old patterns and beliefs

Have you ever noticed that when we take a few steps toward the thing we really want - we find we're met with feelings of resistance & self-doubt? We freeze up, procrastinate and just do not want to do it. There can be various reasons for this, but consider this... to have the thing we deeply desire, we have to let go of some of our old patterns and beliefs about ourselves. In some way, it still feels scary or we don’t feel worthy of it. We find comfort in these old patterns and beliefs because they're familiar; they give us a sense of certainty about who we are and what life looks like. We know who we are here. To give that up means to give up familiarity, so it's normal to feel resistance around that.

Possible roots in childhood trauma

It's also important to mention that this kind of denial of healing work can be seen as a kind of self-neglect - a common result of trauma. Self-care can feel impossible when we feel guilty for taking time to ourselves or we're probably doing it wrong, it can feel difficult or uncomfortable instead of bringing relief. Taking care of ourselves can somehow feel like it takes away from the priority of others like we're unworthy of priority and care. Rest and repair work is only allowed or acceptable after all the work is done or taking care of others is completed. Does that feel familiar?

Our 'easy' comfort zone of familiarity

Change is about going into the unknown, while what we have right now is familiar and comfortable, even if we’re suffering within it. Although pain and suffering are impossible to live with, they may be the only normality that we know. And that acts as a kind of dark comfort, coherence and familiar scenario. The 'curse of comfort' so to speak. 

Moving from a place of self-criticism and frustration to a place of acceptance and surrender makes resistance a lot easier to face. Understanding why we do the things we do gives us the opportunity to change them with grace!

Here's an example: Imagine that your nervous system is a trusty guard dog, and has been on high alert for so long that it's developed a habit of barking at the slightest hint of trouble. In this analogy, the barking represents the pain or symptoms you experience. These symptoms are your nervous system's way of signalling that something might be wrong, even if there's no real danger.

When you start practicing new techniques to calm your nervous system, it's like telling the guard dog to stop barking so much. Initially, this might cause the dog to bark even more, as it's unsure about these changes. This is similar to how you might experience new or intensified symptoms when you first start working on calming your nervous system.

The dog might think, "If I stop barking (or if the symptoms stop), something bad might happen!" So, it might try to "bark" in different ways, leading to new or shifting symptoms. This is what we call "symptom imperatives," where as one symptom improves, another might appear temporarily.

The key is to gently and consistently reassure your nervous system that it's safe to relax. By doing so, you're teaching it that it doesn't need to be on high alert all the time and that the pain or symptoms aren't necessary for protection. Over time, your nervous system will begin to trust these new, calmer states, and you'll find that the symptoms start to diminish as the guard dog learns to relax.

Lack of confidence in ourselves and our ability to heal

When our resistance is a deliberate opposition to therapeutic initiatives, I think there's an element of lack of trust at play, in ourselves and our ability to make this work for us. Like, what's the point? This is bullshit and won't work for me. Especially if you've been trying hard to recover for some time and coming up against setbacks, worsening or different symptoms. If you KNEW 100% that this work would work for you, maybe it would become easier to commit? Do you think it works for others but it won't for you?

Sneaky self-sabotage

Ask yourself this - because this work is an act of self-love - would that make you avoid it? 

Self-sabotage (or intense self-protection) creates more resistance. Maybe you think you don’t deserve to spend time on and be nice to yourself. When was the last time you willingly nourished your emotional and spiritual well-being, taking time to get to know yourself in more depth? Thankfully these are patterns that can be unlearned. 

Feeling that self-care is not important

If we were brought up to place more value on our achievements over our happiness when we were younger, or if we grew up in environments where these practices were frowned upon or ridiculed, we might feel a lot of resistance to being nice to ourselves. We may have been led to believe that our suffering didn't matter, told to 'man-up' or 'get over it' or 'could be worse'. Focus on everyone else's well-being but never your own.

After a couple of months of doing this work, I learned more about the importance of noticing these traits and leaning into more self-acceptance. I learned to accept that I was OK the way I was and not to pick at myself for it.

Because giving love is easier than receiving love

The people-pleasers among us may resonate with this, I've felt this in my own yoga practice. I rarely practice on my own because it's easier to give to others in class than it is to give to myself. Doing something loving towards yourself might feel scary. I'll cook you an elaborate three-course meal but if I'm home alone I'll eat a few biscuits or a crappy packet of noodles, or nothing at all... familiar?

Resistance to what might come up

As you start any self-inquiry journey, it's natural that you might be afraid of facing what you've been repressing. Taking a peek at what might be lurking under the rocks out there is no walk in the park and sometimes it feels safer to just leave it untouched.

We may risk relaxing our bulletproof barrier of self-defence and finding out things about ourselves or our lives that we might not like... 

Doubt breeds resistance

Resistance might come from doubting a TMS diagnosis or TMS work in general. Do you feel cynical towards this approach maybe?

Trusting a process - especially a slow process that might not contain many obvious light-bulb moments and requires time and patience is really difficult. We might not feel like we are in control; it could seem like we’re putting our all in and getting very little in return. I don't think I've ever had any major eureka moment in my personal development; just steady (and slow) progress.

Resistance in case we don't 'do it correctly'

I need to get this dead right or what's the point? This is so new to me, what if I'm not doing it right? Of course, I'm not doing it right, it's not working...

An important part of my journey was learning to accept that those thoughts might never change and to show up anyway but also to have respect for my resistance and the many ways it was trying to protect me. Our resistance can be infuriating, but it’s developed for very good reasons.

We don't want to feel obligated

Who wants to be obligated to do something? Not me! this is hard work for the most part. Once we start to resent having to do this work, resistance swoops in to save the day! Resentment for having to do this work because of a lifetime of things outside of your control or entirely someone else's fault? Fuck no! Ugh.

Because pain is all we know

Our symptoms can be our whole life. Suffering is the known world we live in, to unlearn that normality is scary and can seem like an impossible mountain to climb. We've tried everything the doctors and specialists have suggested, nothing has worked, no wonder we feel so stuck!

Confronting a lifetime of habit

We are habitual beings, in how we cope with our feelings and our behaviours. Emotional suppression quite possibly saved us, and now we're faced with unravelling all of that in order to heal. We're literally trying to drag our lifelong habits out of subconscious autopilot and into a more conscious manual mode. That alone is NOT easy.

The good news is, our brains are changeable, neuroplasticity allows us to reprogram old habits, create new patterns and start to show up for ourselves in new ways. And most importantly - when we feel the tug of resistance to shut us down - we do not shame ourselves for it because we understand its role.

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.  ~ Carl R. Rogers

If you made it this far, thanks for getting reading. It took me a while to publish this piece because I had so many thoughts on it, I hope this is in some way helpful. I guess the biggest takeaway for me from all this work is - treat yourself and your experience with empathy, meet yourself with kindness and patience at EVERY turn, your body is your best friend and is just trying every way it knows how to love you.

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If you'd like more insight into my yoga work click here - yoga for TMS, also if you're new here check out my Recovery Journey Roadmap and let's connect on social media, I'm on Facebook or Instagram and post daily insight and inspiration over there.